OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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