you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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