Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
