I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
