Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
