Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
