Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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