I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
