We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
