Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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