Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
