His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
