They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
