I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
