She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
