so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
