Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
