meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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