with your own penis?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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