i think my mom watched the whole time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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