In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
