This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
