i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
