I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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