We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
