You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
