Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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