does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
