You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
