theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
