stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
