I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
