The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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