I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
