Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
