Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
