im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
