Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
