im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
