he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
