He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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