How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
