My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
