She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
