I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We smell like vodka and hangover
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