I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
