I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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