need another drink. this is the easiest way
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
