he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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