i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I color on your dick again?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
