Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize