I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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