weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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