How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm always down for nudity.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
