how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
