I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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