stop calling my apartment porn island.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
