I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
