I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
