No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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