we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
