and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Less talking, more tequila
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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